As a consultant I am in a profession where I am expected to know the price of everything and the value of nothing. Given this state of affairs, cynicism and a healthy ability to laugh at ourselves go hand in hand.
Recently I was part of the organizing team for a 'Community Meet' that our company held in Mumbai. It's basically an annual event meant for senior leadership to interact with the riff-raff bottom feeders of the organization, give feel-good updates about business in recessionary times, throw in some cheap entertainment to keep things light and generally follow it up with dinner, booze and some awkward dancing to DJ belted tunes.
So as a part of an introductory piece for welcoming the new joiners in the firm, I wrote a small poem (much inspired by George Carlin's 'Modern Man') that went up on a ppt slide full with animation and a 'Lakshya' song in the background. Here is the text for the reader's perusal:
I analyze with critical accuracy
I deliver with precise profligacy
I dot the ‘I’s, I cross the ‘T’s
I innovate with brilliant ease
I am a value driver, a people developer
A thought leader, a one-stop-shop
I structure ideas, I charge hourly fees
I give peer feedback, in 360 degrees
I’ve harvested assets, compiled Points of View
Waxed eloquent on offerings, both old and new
I’m a subject matter expert; I think out-of-the-box
I love my fonts and bullet points; I think PPT rocks!!
I am a guru of gyaan, a wizard of my craft
I am a mover and shaker, maker of many a draft
I’ve got the X factor, I’ve got passion and drive
Move over others, the ultimate in consulting has arriv’d
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