Happy 25th ??!!

Hey Mads! .... Again


Another year gone. I don't know how time works as a concept in heaven, but in earth years you would have been 25 today; surrounded by the ones you truly love (coz they were invariably the ones that loved you the most) rejoicing a life well lived uptil now. But then again the script of human lives dont always play out as expected, and here I am again writing a vain few lines commemorating a date in the calendar.


My story in the past 12 months has been a mixed bag and not entirely in a good sense. To be in a constant state of variable flux makes for a very bad understanding of relative well being. Moved into a new house and joined dad (finally) - in a nutshell - making an attempt to learn to float in a raging ocean with a Swahilian copy of 'Swimming for Dummies' in my hand. Any summary beyond that would just be a lot of white noise.




N moved to Mumbai sometime earlier this year. You might as well say she is trying out her stint in hell now. It goes without saying that I have contributed to a lion's share of her current woes. We're still holding on rather well, given the trying circumstances and dearly hope to stay that way as D-Day approaches.


My family is doing OK, and with an increasingly loathing unashamedness I have to admit I havent kept a tab on your folks.


Don't feel like writing too much more than this. This is my first post of the year on this practically orphaned blog of mine. Writing to you is in all honesty right up there as one of the best reasons to check the pulse of this blog. The fact that it leads to mild forms of depression and an awkward feeling of withdrawal can be overlooked, atleast today, atleast for now.


Yours truly,

As immaterial as ever...

A Cheesy Ode to Work

As a consultant I am in a profession where I am expected to know the price of everything and the value of nothing. Given this state of affairs, cynicism and a healthy ability to laugh at ourselves go hand in hand.

Recently I was part of the organizing team for a 'Community Meet' that our company held in Mumbai. It's basically an annual event meant for senior leadership to interact with the riff-raff bottom feeders of the organization, give feel-good updates about business in recessionary times, throw in some cheap entertainment to keep things light and generally follow it up with dinner, booze and some awkward dancing to DJ belted tunes.

So as a part of an introductory piece for welcoming the new joiners in the firm, I wrote a small poem (much inspired by George Carlin's 'Modern Man') that went up on a ppt slide full with animation and a 'Lakshya' song in the background. Here is the text for the reader's perusal:

I analyze with critical accuracy
I deliver with precise profligacy
I dot the ‘I’s, I cross the ‘T’s
I innovate with brilliant ease

I am a value driver, a people developer
A thought leader, a one-stop-shop
I structure ideas, I charge hourly fees
I give peer feedback, in 360 degrees

I’ve harvested assets, compiled Points of View
Waxed eloquent on offerings, both old and new
I’m a subject matter expert; I think out-of-the-box
I love my fonts and bullet points; I think PPT rocks!!

I am a guru of gyaan, a wizard of my craft
I am a mover and shaker, maker of many a draft
I’ve got the X factor, I’ve got passion and drive
Move over others, the ultimate in consulting has arriv’d

Heureux Deuxième Anniversaire

I don't claim to be a poet
'Cause poets come a dime a dozen
But for you, I'd pen a thousand sonnets
To express my love undying

Roses can't be read
And violets have got the blues
I thought I'd begin this one traditionally
Then I decided to write something new

As the bells come jingling along
'Tis time for Christmas cheer
For us its a milestone to celebrate
As a pair we've completed another year

That radiant smile of yours
Has turned around many a dark day for me
That infectious giggle you laugh
Has never failed to make me feel light and free

The beauty of it all is that
I've never had to 'try' loving you
It's so natural, it's almost in my DNA
I guess that's how it feels when love is true

I do confess it's not always as easy
There are times when I feel like crying
Times when I can't understand the fact that
The expectations I put on both of us can be so trying

What makes it all worth the effort
Are the romantic heights we claim
In spite of the distances that separate us
We always find a way to keep burning the flame

So as a couple, we've finished a double
Two years of a sweet symphony
While there have been many a bump on this road of ours
I still wouldn't have it any other way, honey

I love you and that's as simply as I can put it
My prayer is that you be mine forever
Spend every joy and sorrow with me
So we can grow old in love together

Happy Anniversary. Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. In that order.

XoXoXo

Lovingly,
Kuchu

The War Within

I am ashamed.

A human travesty took place in a city in which I reside in, and somehow I didnt awaken.

Mortals in the futile pursuit of a contorted heaven, built on the pillars of dead innocents, and seeking blessed virgins as just reward rained bullets and torture on my brethren. Yet I couldn't break out of my crippling silence.

The moment passed. As a nation we sought resurrection with the aid of our brave who laid down their lives in the mere line of duty. The prying vulture eyes of what we call 'media', scanned the bloody horizon for every scrap of voyeurism it could lay its hands on, all to satiate my perverse sense of worthy news.

Grief turned to anger, we asked questions. Heads rolled from their high perches of power, we lit candles and pursued solidarity in the congregating thousands. My hollow existence still forbade me from doing anything actionable.

A man once said "Be the change you want to see in he world". His greatness lay in the fact that he didnt need might, firepower or a nuclear arsenal at his disposal to prove his point. He didnt rely on the rhetoric to make people believe in what their conscience was already telling them to do. It's that consciousness and awakening that we as a nation should seek, so we can stand up with our withered spine and find it in ourselves to cleanse every evil that plagues us.

I won't write much for my words are hardly worth anything, neither soothing to those who are still mourning nor inspirational without being instructional. So I will quote here the last scene from "The Great Dictator". A message from a great man who thought far ahead of his times and gave us a thought more than 6 decades ago that would serve us well in the times that we live in now.

General Schulz: Speak - it is our only hope.

The Jewish Barber (Charlie Chaplin): I'm sorry but I don't want to be an emperor. That's not my business. I don't want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible; Jew, Gentile, black men, white. We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each others' happiness, not by each other's misery. We don't want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone. And the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life can be free and beautiful, but we have lost the way.

Greed has poisoned men's souls; has barricaded the world with hate; has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed. We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge as made us cynical; our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost. The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in man; cries out for universal brotherhood; for the unity of us all.

Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men, women, and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people. To those who can hear me, I say "Do not despair." The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from the people will return to the people. And so long as men die, liberty will never perish.

Soldiers! Don't give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you and enslave you; who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel! Who drill you, diet you, treat you like cattle, use you as cannon fodder! Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men---machine men with machine minds and machine hearts! You are not machines! You are not cattle! You are men! You have a love of humanity in your hearts! You don't hate! Only the unloved hate; the unloved and the unnatural.

Soldiers! Don't fight for slavery! Fight for liberty! In the seventeenth chapter of St. Luke, it’s written “the kingdom of God is within man”, not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you! You, the people, have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Then in the name of democracy, let us use that power.

Let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give youth a future and old age a security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power. But they lie! They do not fulfill their promise. They never will! Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people! Now let us fight to fulfill that promise! Let us fight to free the world! To do away with national barriers! To do away with greed, with hate and intolerance! Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men’s happiness.

Soldiers, in the name of democracy, let us all unite!

[Huge hurray from the huge crowd – scene changes to Hanna (Paulette Goddard) a refugee on the floor with eyes still in tears from having been beaten down by the Dictator’s soldiers. Romantic string music in the background. Hanna’s beautiful face and eyes are in awe as to how her Jewish barber friend who was imprisoned by the Dictator’s troops is now speaking as the Great Dictator!]

Hanna, can you hear me? Wherever you are, look up Hanna! The clouds are lifting! The sun is breaking through! We are coming out of the darkness into the light! We are coming into a new world; a kind new world, where men will rise above their hate, their greed, and brutality. Look up, Hanna! The soul of man has been given wings and at last he is beginning to fly. He is flying into the rainbow. Into the light of hope! Into the future! The glorious future! That belongs to you, to me, and to all of us. Look up, Hanna! Look up!

Hanna's Father: Hanna! Did you hear that?Hanna: Listen!

[as her great acting and incredible cinematography turns her face into a goddess as the music takes the movie to conclusion.]

A Tribute to Yesterday...

Fifty quiet moons have passed
Since I saw you smile last;
Since we have parted ways
On the forked roads of life.

I wonder now, as I wondered then
How cruel the universe could be,
With a force of blinding, inconsolable pain
It stole you away from me.

Fate had extinguished all happiness within me;
Left me to pick up the broken pieces
Of a life I knew not what to do with -
A lone soldier in a sea of unfamiliar faces.

Survive I did, clawing back inch by inch
With the help of an angelic soulmate
Letting time heal those deep wounds
Giving myself new reasons to love and pray.

And now I cannot cry as easily;
Nor feel the warmth of moments we shared.
Try as I may I cannot guage fully anymore
The knowledge of what it felt to be cared for.

Yet there are days like today,
When I think of what could have been.
Had you not been so many worlds away
We would be sharing a future still.

No matter how many miles I have left to go
Through life's sunshine and rain;
The remnants of our beautiful love
In the depths of my psyche will remain.

Desire. Despair.
Grief. Healing.
Passion. Past.
Nightmares. Light.
Questions. Silence.
Torture. Patience.
Time. Deliverance.
Numb. Awake.
Death..... Hope.

Its two years since that night so dark. I can still get lost sometimes in the tides of the grim and almost maddening sadness that I went through back then. Its never been the same and will probably never be again. I to this day take solace in the fact that someone somewhere owes me one more rendezvous with you. Till that day comes, I will remain waiting.

A white rose to the undying love that is you.......

Stupid is as Stupid Does

I tossed coins in a jar of hope
To count all my gaffes, big and small
The richer I got, the poorer I felt
Till I stopped counting at all

I am sure every individual, at some points in life or many as the case may be, has done/said/written something which at that moment felt uber-cool only to turn out to be an earth shattering source of embarrassment. The kind of faux pas ('fox passes' for some, N you know what I mean ;) you hope will never be shared in public by those who first encountered it and were immediately sworn in to maintain its secrecy till death do them part. Statistics and experience show, that those very people break their promise at the first opportunity they get to blurt out anecdotes at social gatherings. But you still always hope that this time it better not be 'that' episode.

I must admit I have had more than my fair share of ignominious dalliances with daftness. And for someone who suffers from mild forms of social phobia, it isn't exactly a healthy concoction to have an interminable list of such closeted skeletons. But as an experiment, and out of my sheer desire to share the hilarity of it all, I now present to you one such gem from my past. The year is 2002, and I am just out of school waiting for college to begin. As was the geeky fad in those days, our class had promptly started a yahoo group to keep in touch beyond school (it goes without saying that forum today is as defunct as it can get). I cant quite remember whether it was because of the cobwebs that had begun to settle in my head or my desperation to announce my ability to type mails, I ended up sending an email whose contents I have included below:

"GOD SAVE THE GROUP COZ YOU KNOW WHO IS FINALLY HERE

hi groupies,

yes, finally after much contemplation and a determined self debate on the issue of wether i should go ahead and send my first electronically operative mail to the group , i have come to the ultimately irrevocable and important conclusion that i must answer in the affirmative and do the inexplicably unthinkable deed of putting my more than grossly inadequate intelligence to the tremenduous task of conjuring up archetypally ardent and aptly appropriate sentences, which with their succinct subtlety will incise through superlative superficiality and self sufficiently compensate for my inability to gesticulatively do justice to my wholeheartedly humble and effably effervescent effort to correctly convey my misleadingly malevolent,malicious and morbid, but marvelously meaningful and merry message to this brilliantly boisterous, yet at times belittlingly belligerent brotherhood of a fully, finally functional fraternity of fantastically (un)forgettable fine friends, famous for it's flabbergastingly furtive and far fetched frivolousness.

those of you who had the mental fortitude ,a tenacious enough digestive system and indeed a fine fortune to somehow survive that paragraph and get to these lines, and feel from the bottom of your hearts that it is the worst load of bullshit and seemingly almost-never-ending crap that you have ever read in your life in an email, i modestly welcome you to shower me with your choice words and pleasantly snide remarks; and those who did suffer from brain haemorreage or any form of mental breakdown i assure you there will be no apologies or monetary compensations from my side. nonetheless, barring a certain someone who knew junky stuff like this was definitely coming from my side the moment i joined this group ( yeah, you know who you are Mr. " " i like to impress girls with my Oxford english " " ), i hope all you guys have got a pretty good idea of the shape of things to come.

so now that i have done with the irksome formalities and proven to all my fans and A.C.s and coolers that i am still the good old (and not to forget the terrible pain in the a**) chacko, i can get on with the true objective of this email. firstly i would like to give kudos to 'kanna nam anna' hari for setting up this group, a fine job indeed. next i wish all the groupies a very warm helllllo. it seems like most of the guys have now settled down with college and the likes of it, except for an useless good for nothing fellow like yours' truly who is just 'loafing' ( that certain someone is of the opinion that this is a very inappropriate word to use in front of members of the opposite sex ) around town. i am very sure all the double and triple bonds of our class (the list of their names seems endless) have already started maxing out in their classes, which isnt much of a surprise. its good to see that most of the guys are sending messages and keeping in touch, and those who are yet to join the group ( hey i hope i am not the last guy ), i would advice them to follow in my glorious footsteps and immediately join.

anyway, the singapore posse seems to be having a load of fun and a nice confrontation seems to be building up between the NTU and NUS, all though NUS is only a one man ( i still have doubts about his/her masculinity part) team. also as i read from amar's mail, best of luck guys for your freshers night (speaking of which amar, nice try to get the script of our world famous play but sadly we reserve the copyrights and we aint givin it to you, although you have full freedom from my side atleast to do anything you want with the not-so-original soundtrack of the play). all the same keep those emails coming you 'singies' , it makes for some fun reading.

by the way i have just realised that i have bored the loyal and faithful readers of my email enough(imagine me being so thoughtful, but i assure you i wont commit this mistake again). i apologise for writing such a pathetically short introductory mail and those of you who are still awake and left wanting for more please wait with baited breath for a more satisfying onslaught in my next installment, and those of you who arent, pray dilligently that god really saves this group from my determined attack and the totally unintentional torment caused thereof. so until next time (unless someone chucks me out of the group before i get to that next time) i bid you adeu, adios amigos, au revoir, goodbye etc. etc.

yours' falsely
a*******, chacko, or any of those other nicknames i am too embarassed to sign off with

P.S:- hey aadarsh whats all this stuff i here about you getting bold and physical and all with women and becoming the stud of NTU. if indeed there is any truth to this you have an explanation due and probably a few tips on the art of impressing women to less enlightened people like me and that someone i know ;););)"

Before you get ROTFL, take a moment to note the adulation showered to the person referred to above as 'certain someone', 'you know who you are', etc. Shocking as it may seem, that person is a dude and not a dudette, he is in fact one of my 'best-pals' (a colloquially popular term in the South equivalent to 'best friend', but more casual and less girly). We used to bond together so well, that people often spoke of us as a married couple. Needless to say, we vehemently rubbished any such notion at the time, but now that I look at excerpts similar to the one above, I realise the gay overtones in our camaraderie that were blatantly visible to all. But what the hell, I'll stick my neck out and proclaim that every guy has had (or at least should have had) a friend like that - making up for what he lacks in physical feminine beauty with an ample capacity of intellectual compatibility. Kudos to all such Batmen and Robins of the world. No matter how homosexual your antics might seem, carry on with your unabashed friendship in the 'Jay-Veeru', 'Butch Cassidy-Sundance Kid, 'Laurel-Hardy' style.

Hey, right now I am a little confused. Wasn't this post supposed to be about taking a shot at myself? Seems like I might have indulged myself into trekking away to an entirely different topic here. But I'll cut it short now, and save some up for a more elaborate post on male bonding in general. Meanwhile, you are welcome to re-reads of the good stuff in this post :)

To my one and only - N

The beauty of a flower lies not in its artful hues
Nor in its fragrance or in the sweetness of its nectar
To find for yourself where God hides his wonders untold
You need look only as deep as your lover's soul

Much has been my quest, for a rare true love
For someone to share my joys and tempests with
After much hard seeking, both inside and out
My heart tells me "She is the one", without a doubt

In your eyes I see, a future worth dreaming
With your touch I sense, that life is worth living
And with every journey I will embark upon
I want you beside me as my companion

Hi N!!!

Boy have I been dying to meet you. You might not know me too well but I am A's blog. If you are reading this now for the first time, things have gone according to A's plan, more or less - his greeting card has directed you to this url and most probably you are just reeling under the effects of his attempt above at writing a romantic poem. Fear not, as you make your way through the rest of me, many such amazing and at times uncomfortable surprises about his personality await you.

Formally and finally, "WELCOME TO A'S BLOG!!!!". It has been so long and, believe you me, it has been as difficult for him to resist the temptation of declaring my identity to you as it has been for you, waiting to finally get access. So here it is, after much planning and penning away of thoughts - a window into the soul of Alec Unsmart ;)

If truth be told, this is not your first official visit to my pages. Famously enough, you were the very first (and sadly only :( ) visitor and also graced me with my first comment which i have reprinted here for your perusal :

"Hey, just stumbled upon your blog. I think you should write more. And put your favorite bloggers on the blogroll and comment in people's comment-space to get noticed ;). Think a lot more blog-hoppers like me might like what you have to say. Keep on blogging! Look forward to more :)"

If you remember, you had once discussed about this with him on campus; caught unawares, he had put his brilliant acting skills to use and squarely denied any knowledge of it. To sound more convincing, he actually went ahead and trashed it as utter tripe (taking a big dent in his bloated ego while doing so). But I do know your suspicions had been evoked and that was enough for you to plague him ever since then with constant pestering to reveal the blog to you. He decided that if he indeed had to share it with you, it deserved a truly momentous occasion for its announcement; and for a long time his and my mission target has been this very day - your birthday!!

Now that we have been properly re-introduced, let me get on with what I am really here for. For the most part, I am always the patient listener to A's constant ravings and rantings (hey in that way you and I are quite similar!!). Quite like you, I usually take a patient back seat and let him take his flights of fantasy as he pours his heart out into my posts. But today, as a one-time exclusive, I am speaking with you for a very special purpose. You know how diffident and shy he is, so he has given me the rather prestigious task of being the MC as he shares his innermost thoughts about you. So put on your seat belt (and carry a handkerchief just in case the mushy stuff gets to you) and lets begin with what he has to say:

'I Love You' - That's probably the simplest expression I have always used to express my feelings for you. Over time, I have realised that even in its simplicity there is so much to be understood in its meaning, very similar to the depth in your personality that I sense when I think about you very strongly. I have shared with you often that my own faith and grasp of the weight of this expression has built over time. But through all these months, no matter how strong or shaken my faith was, the gravity of your attractive persona has always had me rapt with awe in an inescapable sort of bind.

How often we recollect the early fumbling of what has become a roller coaster of a love ride. I never believed that opposites attract; added to that the situation in my life was such that for me the odds of us being together had to be infinitesimally small. Yet, others could clearly see that just as even in its most elemental form nature creates everything out of the interaction of opposing forces, you and I were meant to collide with an incredible chemistry that could produce nothing but amazing passion and love. Every time I interacted with you, no matter how corrosive the meeting was, I couldn't help but feel that I was teetering on the edge of a cavern that would lead me straight into falling for you.

As fate would have it, I was struck with one of the greatest lows of my life. Losing something as precious as I did, I felt God would never be kind enough to grant me anything remotely close to that kind of happiness. Call it my faith in the supreme being or a wonder of this amazing universe, I was delivered an angel - pure of heart and the embodiment of holy love - you.

As time began its work of healing me, your presence and kindness towards me left me giving away my heart to you day by day. By the time I pulled up the courage to propose to you, I was already drunk with the desire to be with you, For me, winning your heart seemed the only cause worth living for. When you accepted and the realization sank in, I knew my life could finally be back on track.

Our time on campus was as trying as it was the best time of my life. Learning about you wasn't easy, primarily due to the faults in my own personality, but its something that to this day I continue to work on and hopefully I am improving. In a place where competition can rip you apart in shreds, you were my 'Rock of Gibraltar'. Inspiring me always to go that extra mile and make my self deserve all your adoring. I know we went through tough patches, but I cant deny that my love strengthened exponentially with each moment of understanding that followed those difficult trysts.

Our love blossomed, at the same time we were approaching that inflection point when we had to make career choices leading us down uncertain roads. Things since then have been as unpredictable as exciting. I must honestly say that if it were up to me I wouldn't want to be anywhere but with you all the time, but the current challenges are helping me truly understand my love for you. I hope we will always be able to look back at these days as the period that solidified our passion and understanding for each other.

You are the most amazing woman I have ever met. Your inner and outer beauty are both so mesmerizing, that I cannot count enough of my blessings to be a part of your life. While your true beauty can lay shrouded in your shy and polite demeanour, I feel proud that you have given me the opportunity to get an insight into your soul and truly experience the greatness that you hold within you. You are the only person I know, who can be so mature while not losing touch with your inner child, the real person inside you. I have seen you transition with infinite grace from a campus cutie to a responsible professional who, against the steepest of odds and circumstances, is always fighting the good fight winning the right battles. While your impulsiveness makes you inimitably one of the most frank, honest and open people around, you have shown that you are capable of great patience and perseverance. If you need proof of that, you need only look at me - you understand me completely and that is something I thought only the most exceptionally intelligent and insightful person could achieve. I am convinced that you are truly meant for greatness, and I wish I can be your best friend in that journey.

The events over the past few months have been very significant, especially from a family perspective. You have guided me in making sure that we can bring our families together and celebrate with them our love. We have begun well, and with God's grace, we shall achieve all the goals as we progress to tie the knot eventually.

On your birthday, I would like to make a promise. I know difficulties and obstacles will always be a part of our life, just as it is for everyone else. I know we might have fights that could plunge me, if not you, into bouts of momentary sadness. I know time and distance apart could add pressure to our lives like we never imagined. But if there is one thing I am sure of it is this - no matter what, my love for you will always be undying and it is the sole goal of my life to ensure that you become, the happiest woman in the whole wide world. I pray to God all the time that I can become the man that a goddess like you truly deserves.

'I Love You'. Once again N, that is simply all I feel I can say and I know even without me telling, you probably understand all of what I have said just with these three magical words. Happy Birthday, and love me and be mine forever.

Yours Truly,Madly,Deeply in Love,
Kuchu